A while ago, it hit me that Millenials are rapidly approaching middle age, and we don’t yet have our own mid-life crisis movie. Boomers have American Beauty, Gen X have…ones that didn’t win as many Oscars (sorry Gen X, but they’re definitely out there: While We’re Young, Brad’s Status, After…


MANHATTAN — As COVID-19 cases surge around the country and hospitals are forced to turn ambulances away, more grim news is on the horizon: Scientists at Disney Plus headquarters have proven unable to contain the strain of Star Wars shows originally developed in 2020, recommending immediate national quarantine.

The Novel…


Meet Quaboo, the friendly ghost who’s trying to sell a pilot to Quibi.

Herewith are the collected works from the live Quibi pilot-writing streams, airing on twitch.tv/bfirenzi during the month of April, 2020. NSFW.

Pilot #1: Jimmy Stewart Adventures

In which America’s treasure is enlisted by three ghosts to defeat evil.

Pilot 2: Worst Breakup Stories

A man recounts his worst breakup: Prom night, at his girlfriend’s dad’s house.

Pilot 3: Waterwold — The Series

The continuing adventures of Kevin Costner’s fish mutant, and his new squire’s trauma.

Pilot 4: Meat Stories

Boxes of meat recount the spooky stories of the gruesome origins of their contents.

Pilot 5: Island Time Casino

A tale of unrequited lust, guns, and theme songs.


Starting at 5 PM on November 21st, 2019, I began streaming live on Twitch, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter, and started tapping away in a Final Draft file. I didn’t stop until almost 4 AM the next day.

Proof of my sin

What transpired in between was a war crime, and if you weren’t there…


The internet complained vociferously upon release of the new Sonic the Hedgehog trailer, with thousands of tweets slamming the visual effects — and incredibly, Hollywood has listened to their cries. …


It began innocently enough. A cushy theater seat. A popped bag of corn. An usher telling us the runtime for “Avengers: Endgame” would be three hours. And me shooting a nonstop geyser of urine into the air, right as the usher said “three.”

Immediately, security tried to catch me and…


[SPOILER ALERT: Read at your own peril.]

The trailers may have sold Avengers: Infinity War as the thrilling conclusion to a decade-long franchise, with operatic grandeur and terrifying life-or-death stakes, but audiences will be in for a shock. …


AUSTIN — Fresh out of the premiere of the much-awaited geekstravaganza, fan reaction is mixed over director Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of Ready Player One. Based on Ernie Cline’s novel about an orphan boy’s quest to win the keys to a virtual reality kingdom, the film was equally packed with references…


You’re afraid of something.

Maybe you didn’t amount to all that you thought you could have. Maybe you feel like your life is going down the drain, or worse, nowhere at all. You think about chances you didn’t take, things unsaid. …


This was my childhood, don’t fucking do this to me

In the wake of damning reports from The New York Times and other publications that have brought down sexual assaulters Kevin Spacey, Louis C.K. and Harvey Weinstein, please God, please, oh my God please not this one.

Bill Watterson, creator of the unimpeachable classic comic strip “Calvin & Hobbes,” was…

Brian Firenzi

Delete your life immediately

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