How to Dress Up Like Bullet Bill on Halloween Without Offending Bullets

Brian Firenzi
3 min readOct 6, 2016


Because it’s 2016 and we’re apparently still having problems with this, I am now forced to explain how you can have a good time dressing up as Bullet Bill on Halloween without offending bullets.

The first thing you have to understand is that if a bullet tells you it’s offended by your Halloween costume, don’t defend it, don’t try to costumesplain: It’s offensive and you should jump into the nearest gun to eject yourself into space.

Here are some Bullet Bill costume do’s and don’ts:

Wrong! Do not do this. It’s obvious why you shouldn’t.

Even worse. If you have to be told why this one is terrible, hop into a large chamber and get pointed towards the sky. Earth has no use for you.

Ugh. Just ugh.

It’s not “Cute” or “Harmless” to dress your dog up like Bullet Bill, either. In fact, in many ways it’s even worse. Look at their ignorant smiles, too. Disgusting.

One of the most offensive ones yet, and so low-effort too. Clearly people just want all the “cool” things about being Bullet Bill with none of the real world problems. Miss me on your way to space.

Bullet Bill is not a prop. He’s not an accessory. He is not your plaything. This man should be getting into that bazooka himself and aiming it higher. Right for the sun.

And he’s certainly not your chauffeur either. Can cars drive in space? Whoever thought this was clever better hope so. We are going to lock them in their offensive car and mail it to space.

Next stop, spacetown. Population, stars

Yes! THIS is how you respectfully dress up as the greatest character in history without offending ammunition. Take note, you half-formed cretins. Anyone getting Billed up for a Halloween party needs to emulate this look, hard.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this stuff out, morons, especially in this day and age. But it will definitely take a rocket scientist to build the large space gun I’m putting some of you assholes in.