Ice Cream Man — The Screenplay

A while ago, it hit me that Millenials are rapidly approaching middle age, and we don’t yet have our own mid-life crisis movie. Boomers have American Beauty, Gen X have…ones that didn’t win as many Oscars (sorry Gen X, but they’re definitely out there: While We’re Young, Brad’s Status, After Midnight, it goes on). So I thought I’d take a stab at writing the first.

But a Millenial’s midlife crisis doesn’t look like theirs. Mid-life crisis movies are usually about someone coming to the halfway point in their lives and realizing their house, their car, their family…it didn’t all turn out like they expected. Maybe they quit their job in a fabulous fit of rebellion, act out like a teenager again, but then they discover — in the end — what matters is the journey. And the people you share it with. Awwww.

Well, Millenials don’t have jobs, we don’t have kids, we can barely keep the lights on in our crappy apartments. All we have is student debt, no healthcare, and a rapidly melting planet.

Melting…now there’s a metaphor.

Say hello to my friends

Without further ado, I started writing out an idea about Vic Cack, a failed writer/comedian in Los Angeles. Vic had a viral video in the late 2000s but now has nothing to show for it, freelancing on Fiverr and Uber just to try and make ends meet. His peers and girlfriend have surpassed him and his life is a joke. Until he gets a call about a very interesting new job…one with benefits, a 401K, and a decent starting salary. And all Vic has to do is tweet jokes under the avatar and username of an ice cream brand.

Then it changes him. No, not just his life. It changes…more than that.

Yes, my idea for a millenial mid-life crisis movie is actually a body horror satire about getting old, dying alone and getting crushed in the maw of late-stage capitalism. Fun!

Actually, it was kinda fun when I wrote it, all in one blistering night, live on my Twitch channel. If you were there, thank you so much for being a part of it. And for everyone else, here’s the proof it happened. Without further ado, I give you…

Ice Cream Man.